When you and your partner spend all week abusing a newly found position of power to promote your personal brands and increase your family’s already-substantial wealth, it can be difficult to find time for romance. Nobody knows that better than real-life ’80s-movie rich kids Ivanka Trump and Jared Kushner, which is why, when they are able to steal away some time for seduction, they savor the chance with a passionate, methodically planned 21-minute session of lovemaking.
How do we know this you might ask? Well, earlier this month, just prior to their eight-year wedding anniversary, Ivanka shared a playlist on her personal Spotify account that could pretty much only be used for one thing. As HuffPost reports, the playlist cryptically titled “991122” features a total of five songs that provide the perfect soundtrack to a sober, clinical evening of married sex that will be over and done with in the time it takes to watch a network sitcom without commercials.
With big hit ballads like Bruno Mars’ “When I Was Your Man” and throwback tracks like James Blunt’s 2004 single “You’re Beautiful,” the playlist is perfectly engineered to make Ivanka and Jared feel something akin to that human feeling of love they keep hearing so much about. Unabashed Trump critic John Legend has yet to comment on how he feels about appearing not once but twice on this incredibly short playlist, but one would have to assume he fucking hates it. As for the name of the playlist, HuffPost links it to the HTML color code for a deep, roselike red, but it could just as easily be some sort of illuminati, Manchurian Candidate-esque code designed to awaken sleeper cells across the nation, which is, of course, just part of Ivanka and Jared’s foreplay. But regardless of the private in-jokes included in this playlist, Ivanka was kind enough to make it public so busy married couples across the nation can use it to schedule their own productive, labor-saving fuck session. How sweet!