Back in the mid-2000s, former British Army captain and warbly-voiced angel James Blunt burst onto the music scene with his album Back To Bedlam and the hit single “You’re Beautiful.” Soon, it was impossible to turn on a radio or television without being subjected to Blunt’s acoustic guitar-backed affirmation of your own beauty (yes, yours, reader). Even Blunt himself has acknowledged how obnoxiously pervasive the song became, but that hasn’t stopped him from defending his honor against other soft-voiced pop music boys looking to move in on his turf. Like John Mayer, for example.
Last fall, John Mayer took to Twitter to share his personal musings on what it means to be beautiful. “If you’re pretty, you’re pretty,” the singer wrote. “But the only way to be beautiful is to be loving. Otherwise, it’s just ‘congratulations about your face.’” Presumably, a heart-shaped bat signal went off somewhere and alerted James Blunt to the fact that another mid-2000s musician was talking about beauty. Now, five months later, he’s getting around to telling Mayer what’s what.
“Mate, I’ve covered this already,” he wrote bluntly, making it known once and for all that he is the authority on whether someone is beautiful and that he will be the one to tell them it’s true. Of course, anyone who attended one of James Blunt’s concerts in the past would already know this, since, by his own admission, he never stops talking about it. Just look at one of his old set lists if you need further proof.
Hopefully, next time, John Mayer will stick to talking about things he understands, like gravity, bodies being wonderlands, and fathers being good to daughters who are lovers or whatever that song is about.
Send Great Job, Internet tips to firstname.lastname@example.org