As everyone is more than aware of at this point, Jay Leno will never retire. One day, probably decades from now, he'll slump over in his chair on The Tonight Show set, and a couple of PAs will hinge open the top of his desk/coffin and place him inside. The staff will then load the desk/coffin onto the back of an antique firetruck and lead a procession to Leno's airplane hangar(s) full of cars. Once there, someone will solemnly drive the firetruck inside, then walk out, close the doors of the garage for one last time, and then set the entire place on fire. This is Leno's version of a Viking funeral.
Still, it's a shame that Leno will never retire, because as this "Update" video from his website demonstrates, Leno would be very, very good at retirement. He looks perfectly at ease standing around in his denim everyman costume, leaning on car parts, and pretending to be a mechanic. He has several garages full of time-killing antique-car-tinkering opportunities. Why is he so scared of retiring?