The Waffle House Index is a famous, if informal, metric for gauging the dangerousness of a natural disaster: If the tough-as-nails folks who manage the South’s string of Waffle Houses have decided it’s time to turn off the big yellow sign and get the hell out of Dodge, you’d probably be wise to emulate them. We’d now like to posit a separate, but still breakfast restaurant-based, measurement for a different aspect of our collective reality to go along with it: The Denny’s Morality Quotient, i.e., if not even Denny’s is willing to associate itself with your horndog nature, you may have gone too far in your pursuit of leather jacket-assisted sex.
This is—as we assume you’ve all surmised—obviously about Jensen Huang, recently resigned CEO of Nvidia, the world’s biggest technology company. Huang has had a pretty public last few weeks of it, as his various extramarital affairs—including at least one reportedly conducted with an employee, and one with a woman who’s been repeatedly posited to be an asset for Chinese intelligence services—have become front page news, and even national security issues. (Nvidia recently ascended from the planet’s biggest graphics card manufacturer to being one of its most highly-valued companies, period, amidst both Huang and the Trump White House’s aggressive embrace of the AI market.) And while the revelations have already forced Huang to resign from Nvidia to spend more time with his extremely expensive outerwear and various, uh, associates, it has now gone so far (per NBC News) as to also sour his relationship with the minds behind the Moons Over My Hammy.
That’s right: A San Jose, California Denny’s has reportedly taken down a plaque it installed back in 2023, honoring a booth where Huang and co-founders Chris Malachowsky and Curtis Priem apparently hatched their plans for Nvidia in the early 1990s. The plaque celebrated “The Booth That Launched A $1 Trillion Company”; given that it apparently disappeared after reports of Huang’s affairs became public knowledge, we’re assuming it wasn’t taken away just to bump that number up to $5 trillion, the company’s highest market cap to date. (The company has sunk back down below a $4 trillion valuation amidst the Huang scandal.) Given how many truly vile things have been launched by people sitting in a Denny’s booth at 2 in the morning, we can only assume that this constitutes an exciting new landmark in the Public Shaming For Blatant Depravity sciences.
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