Jon Stewart dials Starlink customer service on behalf of Ukraine

In an effort to find out just why—directly after Trump gave the energy-starved Russia a lifeline by scuttling sanctions his own party had managed to pass—Elon Musk’s Starlink internet service went down, depriving Ukraine of vital defensive capabilities, Stewart called Starlink customer service. Which naturally means he got put on hold. But after that, Secretary of State Marco Rubio himself (or a news clip of Rubio explaining that the Starlink thing “just sorta happened”) offered the usual, maddening non-help you get when calling for tech support. 

No matter, this is Jon freaking Stewart, guy who just re-upped for two more years of hard-hitting comedic jounali—what’s that? Yes, Stewart explained, Ukraine has tried unplugging Starlink and resetting the router. It’s definitely on the end where a white supremacist, Apartheid-born tech oligarch somehow controls sensitive, essential elements of America’s defense infrastructure. 

Finally getting through to Trump (or, again, a clip of Trump essentially calling Ukraine a liar), Stewart covered the receiver to check in with embattled Ukrainian President Volodymyr Zelenskyy, who assured him that, no, Starlink is still not working correctly. And then he got put on hold again, left to stew in the absolute certainty that this whole system is royally screwed.