Pop culture obsessives writing for the pop culture obsessed.
Pop culture obsessives writing for the pop culture obsessed.

Let's all stare, slack-jawed, at Papa John's ugly rich-guy house

Illustration for article titled Let's all stare, slack-jawed, at Papa John's ugly rich-guy house
Photo: Frazer Harrison/AMA2011 (Getty Images)

It’s like the old saying goes: Money might be able to buy you land, status, and power, but it can also buy you a giant clock of two eagles fuckin’. That’s the takeaway from a recent TikTok video courtesy of John “White supremacists, please stop eating our pizza” Schnatter, the man who used to be Papa John back before that particular corporate custody battle didn’t exactly go his way. Schnatter has been on the mini-video site for a couple of weeks now, trying to accomplish…


Okay, we’ll be honest: We have no earthly idea what Schnatter is trying to accomplish here. He’s posted several videos, most of which carry at least the cadence of attempted comedy (with the majority also featuring bass-heavy rap beats, which we’re sure line up with his personal taste in music). He’s also trying to push his merch, with all proceeds reportedly going to the John H Schnatter Family Foundation for COVID-19 relief. (But also, you could just, you know, donate directly to charity, instead of buying a super-cool “Pizza Bandana” or an AC/DC-wannabe T-shirt referencing Schnatter’s own bizarre “Day Of Reckoning” speech.)

Today, though, Schnatter was mostly interested in showing off his massive rich-guy-with-lots-of-money-and-zero-taste house—although the actual video mostly just shows his giant rotating clock of two eagles mating in mid-air, and pretty much nothing else. The net result is to essentially confirm what we’ve always just guessed at: Papa John is a super weird dude, of a kind not really seen since we got that harrowing photo tour of Dr. Phil’s house a few months back. The video ends with Schnatter coyly teasing his library, as though this is some great treat he’s hiding from the masses, and seriously, what is up with this guy? As far as we can tell, he’s either

a) A genuinely weird person who is now very rich and very bored.

b) Attempting to re-invent himself as a genuinely weird person as a way of deflecting attention from all the racist comments, alleged sexual harassment, and right-wing politics he’s espoused over the years.

or c), trying to get some play by showing off his car collection, cool trike, and functional fuckin’ eagle statuary.

Anyway: Ugly house.