Our children’s unquenchable thirst for modern adaptations of the half-century-old sitcoms that distracted their grandparents from war flashbacks will briefly be appeased by a big-screen version of Mister Ed, the classic comedy about a man whose own post-traumatic stress disorder manifests itself as a talking, troublemaking horse. Fox 2000 has picked up the rights to a film that, like the early-’60s show, will star a live-action horse, and whose mouth, unlike the show, will be animated with CGI, rather than the original method of searing electrical shocks. (Or peanut butter, or a string attached to his lips—whatever you choose to believe.)
Unlike some recent classic TV adaptations, Mister Ed will be a straightforward “family film,” rather than a loose basis for brand recognition (like the forthcoming Father Knows Best) or an insulting meta-textual mess (Bewitched, The Smurfs, pretty much everything else). It will also revive the “talking horse” movie genre that’s been dormant pretty much since Bobcat Goldthwait’s Hot To Trot—which we’re guessing won’t even get a mention in the film’s press junket, unless we happen to be there. Of course, these crazy Millennials won’t rest until the entire TV Land lineup is made into a feature film. “Where is our generation’s Green Acres movie?!” they scream, their twitching, hyperactive fingers curling involuntary into tiny fists as they rain blows down upon the old and weak.