The Real World, the old reality show battleaxe in a mesh top from Strawberry still yelling "Who wants a body shot?" at the end of the television bar, has for several seasons now given MTV viewers a close approximation of what it's like to stop being polite and live inside a Senor Frog's. Now, the show is dropping the approximation and basically filming eight strangers as they live inside a Senor Frog's. That's right, in its 22nd season, MTV has said, "Fuck it. Let's do Real World: Cancun."
The trailer is about what you'd expect from The Real World: Cancun—discussions of Mad Men, nightly readings of the poems of Louise Gluck, purpose—but watching it, you get the feeling that these 8 strangers were born to one day be on a reality show. The main reason you get that feeling? Their names. Sure, there are a couple of normal, non-future-terrible-reality-show-cast-member names, like Joey and Jasmine. But the parents of some of these people clearly held their tiny helpless baby in their arms and said, "She's gonna be on The Real World some day. Yes she is!" And so they gave their baby a ridiculous name, and thus her future was sealed.
In general, predestined reality show cast member names fall into four catagories:
1. Close.
These are names that are thisclose to being acceptable names for human beings. For example:
Almost there, Emilee's parents. If you had gone with a "y" instead of a "ee" she might not be heading off to yet another foam party in Cancun while an MTV production crew follows. This category can also include names that just feel wrong, such as:
Maybe they were going for a creative female version of John? Or a vowel-tweaked "Jenna"? Either way, "Jonna" will look very good scribbled across the bottom of a screen during Real World/Road Rules Challenge: The Cramazing Duel V.
2. That's Not A Name It's A ______
For example: