As the piece states, “female mosquitos were ‘entertained’ by the track,” which meant they “attacked hosts later and less often than those in a dubstep-free environment.” Too busy pumping their minuscule fists and whipping microscopic t-shirts around in the air, the yellow fever mosquitoes used for the test also “had sex ‘far less often’ than mosquitoes without music.”

Advertisement

“The observation that such music can delay host attack, reduce blood feeding, and disrupt mating provides new avenues for the development of music-based personal protective and control measures,” the report says.

Aside from the obvious benefits of these findings in terms of disease prevention, what’s most incredible is that we now know that mosquitoes would assign an old EDM hit a firm 6.5/10 on Pitchfork, balancing the joy they find in wiggling their thoraxes to the track with the fact it also leaves them hungry and unloved.

Advertisement
Advertisement

Now that summer’s approaching, an early ‘10s revival seems inevitable, even if it is ahead of the usual nostalgia schedule. From parks and backyards across the world, that kid will be shouting “Oh my god!” once again, miraculously protecting us from bites even as, we should also remember, Skrillex’s music cannot free us from bee stings.

Send Great Job, Internet tips to gji@theonion.com