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Mr. Hankey’s Christmas Classics are coming to poo-scented colored vinyl

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Are we already thinking about Christmas poo? We’ve not yet dealt with Halloween poo—much less Thanksgiving poo!—and here we are, discussing the festive excrement of the winter holidays. Oh well, this is our society, in which we’re continually encouraged to fixate on the newest shit. And while we’re on the subject, we might as well give our warm regards to Columbia/Legacy who will soon present us with Mr. Hankey’s Christmas Classics. And on vinyl, no less!

This Yuletide album—originally released in 1999 and executive produced by Trey Parker, Matt Stone, and Rick Rubin (the St. Nick of music production moguls)—features many of the most popular characters from South Park, including Stan, Cartman, Chef, and Satan. This special edition feces-scented 12” LP is pressed on appropriately brown-colored vinyl. It’s the perfect gift to drop under the tree.


Mr. Hankey’s Christmas Classics

Side A

  1. “Mr. Hankey The Christmas Poo” - Early ‘50s Recording Performed By Cowboy Timmy
  2. “Merry F**king Christmas” - Mr. Garrison, The 3rd Grade Teacher
  3. “O Holy Night” - Eric Cartman
  4. “Dead, Dead, Dead” - Juan Schwartz And The South Park Children’s Choir
  5. “Carol Of The Bells” - Mr. Mackey, The School Counselor
  6. “The Lonely Jew On Christmas” - Kyle Broflofski With Special Celebrity Guest
  7. “I Saw Three Ships” - Shelley Marsh, Stan’s Sister
  8. “It Happened In Sun Valley” - Stan Marsh And Wendy Testaburger
  9. “O Tannenbaum” - Adolf Hitler
  10. “Christmas Time In Hell” - Satan, The Dark Prince

Side B

  1. “What The Hell Child Is This?” - Chef
  2. “Santa Claus Is On His Way” - Mr. Hankey
  3. “Swiss Colony Beef Log” - Eric Cartman
  4. “Hark The Herald Angels Sing” - The South Park Children’s Choir
  5. “Dreidel, Dreidel, Dreidel” - The Broflofskis, With Eric Cartman And Stan Marsh
  6. “The Most Offensive Song Ever” - Kenny Mccormick And Mr. Hankey
  7. “We Three Kings” - Mr. Ose
  8. “Have Yourself A Merry Little Christmas” - Mr. Hankey, With Stan, Kyle, And Cartman