Netflix refuses to cut it out, orders Full House sequel

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After years of danger signs gave way to weeks of writing on the Facebook wall, Netflix has confirmed the identity of those shadowy figures waiting just around the bend. Everywhere you look this morning, you’ll read that the streaming service has ordered 13 episodes of Fuller House, a sequel to the popular ABC sitcom/preadolescent tranquilizer Full House. John Stamos, High Priest of Have Mercy, announced Fuller House’s imminent arrival from the modern-day equivalent of Mount Sinai: The Jimmy Kimmel Live! couch. Despite skepticism from Stamos deniers, Fuller House does not appear to be a Jimmy Kimmel prank.