Pop culture obsessives writing for the pop culture obsessed.
We may earn a commission from links on this page

New Zealand mom names her kids Metallica, Pantera, and Slayer

Filmmaker David Farrier introduced us to the woman and her power trio on his Twitter account

We may earn a commission from links on this page.
Bart Harley Jarvis, that absolute asshole, doesn’t sound so tough now.
Bart Harley Jarvis, that absolute asshole, doesn’t sound so tough now.
Screenshot: Netflix Is A Joke

A woman in New Zealand, refusing to bring another Mackenzie or Jack into the world, has named her three kids “Metallica,” “Pantera,” and “Slayer.” This information comes courtesy of filmmaker David Farrier, whose work exploring the often strange minutia of everyday life in documentaries like Dark Tourist and Tickled (or articles about Instagram’s “hotel bed jumping community”) has continued in a newsletter that recently introduced us to the power trio.

Over on his Twitter, Farrier introduces the story by writing that he’s “proud to report” the news of these Kiwi thrash monsters. The mom in question, pictured in one tweet wielding a crossbow, said in an interview that “it’s not easy raising three of the heaviest bands,” but she is otherwise unidentified (probably to safeguard the anonymity of children named... Metallica, Pantera, and Slayer).


In order to make sure he wasn’t being fooled by the woman—that she wasn’t a Master Of Puppets pulling his strings—Farrier reached out to New Zealand’s Registrar-General to inquire as to whether “there are any restrictions naming babies after band names, or albums.” He was told that there aren’t, “as long as the word used is not generally considered to be offensive or does not resemble an official rank or title.” This may rule out naming a baby after one of your favorite grindcore acts, but it did allow Farrier to verify the fact that Baby Metallica’s middle name is also—we’re not kidding—“And Justice For All.”

These kids will either have the best or absolute worst time in school, depending primarily on whether ‘80s thrash is currently cool with the youth—and whether lil’ Metallica has to deal with terrible classmates like “Napster” and “Decent Snare Drum Mixing.”


[via Consequence Of Sound]

Send Great Job, Internet tips to gji@theonion.com