Nicolas Cage was on the cover of a Serbian biology textbook, obviously

By Sean O'Neal | November 30, 2011 | 7:18pm

Aux Features Film

Human meme Nicolas Cage has spent the past year loudly swearing to die for honor in Romania, somehow being deemed too drunk for New Orleans, and recounting Orange County standoffs with naked men wielding Fudgesicles. Yet he still found the occasion and wherewithal to be in approximately 300 movies, a testament to Cage’s continued ability to bend the physics of time and space—maybe putting them in an aggressive headlock and giving them a noogie while screaming something about Indians—and a possible confirmation of those earlier theories regarding his immortality, which Cage has pretty much quietly affirmed already with his silence.

So obviously, Nicolas Cage was also the face of a Serbian biology textbook between the years of 1993 and 2001, because Nicolas Cage binds and surrounds us. And obviously, nothing says “a study of life” like a photo of its most active and vital participant, Nicolas Cage—specifically, Raising Arizona-era Nicolas Cage and Holly Hunter, together with the baby they stole from a wealthy furniture magnate, which is where all Serbian babies come from. Anyway, we fully expect that Nicolas Cage is, at this very moment, rewriting his will to have “Face on a Serbian biology textbook” inscribed on his pyramid tomb. [via Best Week Ever]