On The Hills, Boob Jobs Are Like Christmas

You might think that the cast of The Hills has it pretty easy. Apart from the occasional tedious re-shoot of a discussion about how boys are mean outside of Pinkberry, and the annoyance of having to alert a camera crew every time you are about to send a text message, there aren't many hardships.

But not even the most attentive MTV reality show crew shooting with the prettiest cameras in the world could capture the hidden pain of Heidi Montag, one of the show's stars. It takes a cover story in Us Weekly to do that:

Inside, Heidi reveals her brave struggle to overcome two harrowing afflictions: small breasts and an nose so big she could totally see it on her face:

"I was less than an A-cup. I wore pushup bras, which cut into my skin. If I was with a guy and there was a girl next to me with big boobs, I would be like, Oh, my God, he's looking at her! On the beach, if I was standing next to a girl with big boobs, I'd be like, I hate her! I hated my nose too. I have my dad's nose, which is huge. It took up so much of my face, when I looked down, I could see my nose. I couldn't get away from it!"

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It gets worse. As if having a visible nose and invisible (relatively speaking) boobs wasn't painful enough, people were quick to hurt vulnerable Heidi with unkind words, throwing clever insults like so many sharp daggers:

"People would say, "You have such a big nose!" And they'd make fun of me for being so flat, and say mean boy things, like, "If you nailed two nails in a board, they would be bigger than you are." I was tormented.

I'll bet that no one actually said that nails in a board thing to you, Heidi. It was probably just the sound of air echoing through the empty space where your self-esteem should be. But, still. Sounds rough.

Thankfully, though, Heidi had a partner by her side who was creepily supportive of her decision to fix her afflictions through plastic surgery. When Heidi said, "I'd rather be dead than have small boobs," Spencer was right there saying, "That's my girl!"

Take Us back to April 2, the day of ­surgery.

"I woke up, and it was like Christmas: I was a nervous wreck, but I was just so excited at the same time. Spencer said, "I'm so proud of you." It was like he was wishing me well off to school: "Love you! Bye!" But surgery is a very big deal. Right before I went in, I was like, What if I don't wake up? Oh, this is scary. Then I thought, I don't care. If I don't wake up, it's worth it. I just wanted it so badly."

Thanks, Us!