Oscars superlatives: The best and worst of the 2024 Academy Awards

Lots of people wear bowties, but only Messi knows how to pull it off. Messi, the , in , was the star of tonight’s Oscars, giving Ryan Gosling a run for his money. The Oscars rightly made sure that everyone knew Messi was in attendance, —we’ll forgive, but we never forget. Never one to miss a black-tie affair, Messi wore a long, floppy bowtie that made the likes of Christopher Nolan or the disrespectfully tieless Bradley Cooper look quite foolish.

“ was so long, in the time it takes you to watch it, you could drive to Oklahoma and solve the murders yourself.” Sorry, Jimmy. The murders were solved. You’d know that had you watched the movie to the end. It’s time we stop reprimanding movies, especially those about the long, painful trail of genocide that runs throughout the world, for having the temerity to be long. Sometimes, experiencing a movie means taking a four-hour break from TikTok and actually sitting with art for a bit. Considering the longest (and arguably best) movie in the competition went home with zero awards, we have to assume that some of that is due to the handwringing around its length and the nonstop discussion about how much time audiences and Oscar voters will have to give over to ahem Martin Scorsese.

Da’Vine Joy Randolph’s best supporting actress win for was among the most joyous and beautiful of the night. It is such a wonderful performance, and she is so deserving of all her success. But we’d be remiss if we ignored her commitment to the craft that also doubles as the rare pro-smoking ad. Kimmel told the audience that Randolph was unhappy with the fake cigarettes provided to her by director Alexander Payne, so she took up some real heaters. You heard it from Jimmy Kimmel: Not only do cigarettes make you look cool, but they’ll also help you nab an Oscar.

Keep that shit to yourself, Emily Blunt. We know that movies are filled with illusions and tricks of light and shadow. Allow us to enjoy the suspension of disbelief for but a second longer before you tell us that Ryan Gosling has painted-on abs. This madness needs to stop. Leave Ryan Gosling’s abs alone. If you want to bother someone, bother Zac Efron. That dude has like a million abs.

In a perfect world, Anatomy Of A Fall’s masterful steel-drum version of 50 Cent’s “P.I.M.P.” would be used to play off all the celebrities running the light with their long-ass acceptance speeches. In an even more perfect world, there would’ve been a live performance of the song playing as Sandra Hueller tried to give an interview on the red carpet. We’ll just have to settle for it playing as Justine Triet and Arthur Harari took the stage to collect their well-deserved Best Original Screenplay award, but we’re not happy about it!

After years of demanding recognition for stunt coordinators and performers at the Academy Awards, the Oscars finally acquiesced. Not with an actual award, mind you. Heavens no. They did a nice little montage about how important stunts are and moved on. Winning an Oscar has tangible benefits, such as increased pay. A general video package produced by the Oscars offers none of that. Just make an award to thank the people that make tentpole movies worth seeing. Maybe all this will play into Ryan Gosling and Emily Blunt’s stuntman movie, , only in theaters May 3.

The little movie about a big monster that could. was a long shot in this Oscar race, especially squaring off against the expected Oscar sweeper , the Marvel Cinematic Universe, and Tom Cruise. Nevertheless, with Godzilla action figures in hand, the hard-working artists behind the best sci-fi action movie of the year took home the gold for Best Visual Effects. What can we say? This was a very good year at the Oscars.

“Costumes, they are so important,” John Cena sadly admitted as he stood naked in front of his co-workers. Among the best presentations of an award all night, the always-game John Cena (Honestly, who has ever been more game than he?) donned nothing more than an envelope as he sheepishly side-stepped onto the stage and presented the award for Best Costumes.

Robert Downey Jr. is the best supporting actor of the year, but Tim Robbins had other plans. When presenting nominee Robert De Niro, Tim Robbins accidentally referred to his performance as Killers Of The Flower Moon’s William Hale as “Oscar-winning.” De Niro is 80, Mr. Robbins. You can’t just play with his heart like that.

, because these paws give pause. It was Messi’s night, and he was showing some love for the other nominees and winners. Clapping along for Robert Downey Jr., we couldn’t believe the grace he showed, lifting his arms in unnatural ways and awkwardly patting them together. He is so magnanimous. Our is a good boy.

Despite the prevalence of movies about international conflicts and wartorn geopolitical hotspots, very few were willing to bring up the ongoing war in Gaza. Where others failed, Jonathan Glazer, director of , succeeded, explaining the meaning of his film in plain language:“All our choices were made to reflect and confront us in the present — not to say, ‘Look what they did then,’ rather, ‘Look what we do now.’ Our film shows where dehumanization leads at its worst. It shaped all of our past and present. Right now we stand here as men who refute their Jewishness and the Holocaust being hijacked by an occupation, which has led to conflict for so many innocent people.Whether the victims of October the seventh in Israel or the ongoing attack on Gaza, all the victims of this dehumanization, how do we resist?”.

stars Arnold Schwarzenegger and Danny DeVito proved they still have a lot of chemistry tonight, presenting awards for Best Visual Effects and Best Editing. But tonight wasn’t about Twins, it was about two guys who failed to kill the Batman. Of course, Batman exploited Mr. Freeze’s only weakness: Love. As for Danny, well, Batman threw him out of the window. “That son of a bitch,” Schwarzenegger sneered. It was a great bit made better by the full sell from Michael Keaton, sitting in the audience and snarling at his former foes. No need for another legacy sequel, we got it all right here.

Kate McKinnon, god bless her, didn’t know much about the category she presented tonight, Best Documentary. She thought Jurassic Park, Jurassic World, and Jurassic World: Dominion qualified for the category. Upon learning that none of the Jurassic Park movies were competing and the further horror that Jeff Goldblum isn’t real, she wondered aloud who she was sending her tasteful nudes. All we can say is, poor Dr. Spielberg.

This year’s Best Song category was a tight race. While Billie Eilish’s contributions to the original soundtrack won, the other, much more popular song from the film blew the others off the stage. The Academy pulled out all the stops for Ryan Gosling’s performance of “I’m Just Ken,” but the cherry on top was Slash’s big, beautiful top hat making its way to the stage and the man himself shredding a Kenergetic solo.

Ever since 2017, to , even though it didn’t win, presenters have been trying to overtake that mess-up in the hearts and minds of Oscar viewers. With his stammering and staggeringly human performance of Man Who Reads The Name Oppenheimer Off A Piece Of Paper, Pacino came close. For years, we’ll remember his immortal words: “Best Picture, uh, I have to go to the envelope for that. And I will. Here it comes. And my eyes see Oppenheimer?”