Our Candy Will Turn You Into A Jerk

Remember a few years back when Snuggle, that cuddly, fabric softener-shilling teddy bear turned into a jerk? There were a few commercials where his behavior suddenly became creepy: lots of eye rolling and smirking from his perch atop the dryer. It was a scary time for Snuggle, and for America. We, as a nation, had to ask oursleves, "What does it all mean? Has this sarcasm thing gone too far?" and "What's the point of fabric softener, anyway? Can't I just use a dryer sheet?"

Well, has anyone seen a Starburst, or Skittles, or Sour Patch Kids commercial lately? The trend in candy ads seems to be absurdism and extreme assholery. I don't know what it all means for America, but the commercials are very weird. And full of useful lessons.