For a brief moment, we almost entertained a Simple Life reboot with Paris Hilton and arch-frenemy Lindsay Lohan

By Britt Hayes | June 25, 2019 | 8:00pm

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For a brief moment, we almost entertained a Simple Life reboot with Paris Hilton and arch-frenemy Lindsay Lohan

Photo: Michael Buckner

Editor’s Note: The headline has been changed to reflect a recent update. -ED

Hold onto your early 2000s, Adidas track pants-swaddled butts, little ones because The Simple Life has teased a return from the depths of princess pink body glitter-drenched hell. The reality series, which single-handedly hollowed out the phrase “that’s hot,” followed wealthy BFFs Paris Hilton and Nicole Richie as they attempted to live like normal, not-wealthy people—doing boring things like “jobs” and “laundry.” The Simple Life has endured thanks in no small part to millennial nostalgia and the existence of Tumblr, where you can find hundreds of screenshots with “big mood”-friendly idioms such as “Listen, it’s 2005. Things happen.” But these screenshots are a precious resource, and one that may not be sustainable in our increasingly wretched internet climate. Enter The Simple Life Twitter account, which appeared to have some very hot news:

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They’ve lived with average lower-middle-class American families. They’ve been inside a Walmart. They’ve ridden tractors and flirted with country boys and worked menial jobs (or “worked” for the sake of the cameras). Now that Hilton and Richie are grown and settled into their own lives with their respective business ventures, is there any sense in attempting to humble them by staging another (admittedly humorous) culture clash? Maybe! Oh, but Nicole Richie won’t be part of this Simple Life revival, as evidenced by the next tweet:

It did not take long for someone to respond, asking if the red-haired emoji is a reference to Lindsay Lohan. The Simple Life account responded with this tantalizing emoji:

Lohan’s own “reality” series, Lindsay Lohan’s Beach Club, was recently canceled by MTV due to a lack of drama. If Lohan is actually teaming up with Hilton for a reboot of The Simple Life, it would definitely be a middle finger to MTV—you know who Lohan has an exceptionally dramatic history with? Paris Hilton. They’re more than just frenemies. They’re arch-frenemies. It only takes some cursory googling (or a quick chat with your local millennial) to uncover years of beef between the two.

This tweet takes that aforementioned “if” and makes it more of a “when,” as in when the fuck can we see this entertaining trash heap please beam it straight into our eyeballs at once:

Will this new version of The Simple Life air on FOX, like the original series? Or can we just assume it’s joining Quibi, like everything else announced in the last few weeks?

Update, 4:06 P.M CST – A knowledgable source reached out to E! News to deny that this reboot of The Simple Life is happening. It’s probably for the best—given Lohan’s history with Hilton, among other valid concerns—but we can dream.