In a story being cheerfully greeted by college-educated white people across America and the UK, beloved thespian Paul Giamatti is joining the cast of servant-porn soap opera Downton Abbey for its upcoming fourth season. "This really changes the game for us," said one PBS executive. "The show has already been a solid hit amongst liberal arts graduates and people who routinely apologize for Obama when he does stuff Bush would have done, but with [the addition of Giamatti], we could have a full-blown four-quadrant hit on our hands. NPR listeners, hybrid car owners, Whole Foods shoppers, and the most important quadrant, people who regularly give to PBS."