Yesterday, Variety reported that Adam Sandler, of Wedding Singer, Bob Barker cursing, and extended gay panic joke fame, and Mitch Albom, of schlocky novels about heaven, Oprah's unwavering love, and really deep TV mini-series fame, are teaming up to work on a movie together–finally.
Columbia Pictures and Happy Madison have made a preemptive acquisition for the feature writing debut of bestselling author Mitch Albom, which will be developed as a star vehicle for Happy Madison partner Adam Sandler.
The untitled project is a comedy with emotional elements set in the world of baseball.
"Comedy with emotional elements"? Sounds like a more clinical way of saying, "It's Field Of Dreams, but with lots of double entendres about 'balls.'" Still, in celebration of the awful cinematic pairing of hacky Albom sentimentality and hacky Sandler fart noises, here are a few possible "emotional elements" in the new Sandler/Albom comedy: —A really adorable dog–that audibly licks its balls in front of Sandler's date! —Gay panic jokes told while crying. —A lost little boy with sad eyes that has to be taught to pee against a wall, or something. —The 1980s, which is the most emotional decade ever. —A 12-year-old bully who is humorously put in his place by an adult Sandler–an event that leads to a lengthy montage about the bully's psychological impetus for his bullying (he was abandoned by his father as a young child) as well as his growing student/mentor relationship with Sandler. Eventually the two play catch while rattling off synonyms for "boobs." —Some song by Styx. —An emotionally riveting conversation with Sandler and his aging father on a park bench that is punctuated with the saddest fart noises you've ever heard.