Prepare your intestines for their own unexpected journey with Denny's Hobbit-inspired menu

By Sean O'Neal  |  October 24, 2012 | 3:44pm
Aux Features Film

While Peter Jackson prepares to offer Hobbit viewers the most immersive possible moviegoing experience through a combination of 48fps 3-D technology, the new Dolby Atmos sound system, and stretching the journey across three films to tell it in real time, Denny's has stepped up to cover another important sense, kicking off November 6 with a special Hobbit-themed menu that recreates the dwarves' epic, magical sodium intake. After all, one does not simply walk into Mordor, not without first eating a Shire Sausage Skillet and a "The Ring" Burger (topped with three onion rings), washing it down with a Lone Lands Campfire Cookie Shake, then making your own personal Samwise carry you.

The Shire Sausage Skillet:

"The Ring" Burger:

"You shall not pass!" your nerd-colon will scream, as it stands tall against the rampage of vaguely Hobbit-inspired meals/sex acts the Hobbit Slam, a Gandalf Gobble, the Hobbit Hole, and the Lonely Mountain Treasure (illegal in most states), which appears to be a bowl of French toast crumbles served with a side of icing atop a pile of stones, just as Tolkien once imagined, the crazy bastard.

The Gandalf Gobble:

The Lonely Mountain Treasure:

Radagast's Red Velvet Pancake Puppies:

And while many of these would seem to bear little to no relation to actual Hobbit characters or events—save for Radagast's Red Velvet Pancake Puppies, which are faithful to the text—they do reflect the fact that most late-night "second breakfasts" at Denny's resemble something out of Middle Earth.  [via io9]

 
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