Pop culture obsessives writing for the pop culture obsessed.
Pop culture obsessives writing for the pop culture obsessed.

QAnon's cowboy-themed "Patriot Roundup" sure sounds like it was full of horseshit

Yeehaw.
Yeehaw.
Photo: Samuel Corum (Getty Images)

Howdy again, pardners! Say, do y’all remember that “For God & Country Patriots Roundup” weekend? You know, the QAnon conference scheduled to saddle up at the (taxpayer-funded) Omni Hotel in Dallas, Texas, hence the hackneyed cowboy theme? Well, despite a petition garnering well over 20,000 signatures in protest, the death cult convention went off without a hitch over this past weekend, and by golly, was it just plumb full of all the prerequisite ultra-rightwing nihilists, MAGA Country A-Listers, insurrectionist pablum, and constitutional law analysis reflected through gold filagreed funhouse mirrors.

As VICE’s “Roundup” roundup described over the weekend, there was a veritable, steamin’ crock of shit pot full of choice moments, including disgraced Gen. Michael T. Flynn buttering up the crowd with his support of a Myanmar-like military coup, Roger Stone’s “social media advisor” pantomiming hanging from a noose after mentioning Hillary Clinton, and the QAnon-spewing lawyer, Sidney Powell, wearing a leather biker vest emblazoned with MAGA patches struggling to sing the national anthem.

Advertisement

People also paid thousands of dollars at a Q-themed auction for items like a quilt signed by Mike “MyPillowGuy” Lindell, which we feel is painful enough to envision, and doesn’t require any more elaboration.

But now the Chauvinist Stampede is receding into the distance, haloed within the setting sun by a cloud of F-250 diesel plumes, Camel Crush cigarette smoke, and Lone Star farts. Don’t retire your spurs just yet, though, cowpokes. This year’s Patriot Roundup may have ended, but rest assured there will undoubtedly be additional QAnon rodeos, MAGA hootenannies, and 8Chan corrals in the months ahead. Like a wild pony, the Q movement refuses to be broken—no matter how many attempts you might make at reining them in with logic and provable facts.

So saddle up, sycophants, the rodeo’s just starting. Yee-fuckin-haw.

Send Great Job, Internet tips to gji@theonion.com

Andrew Paul is a contributing writer with work recently featured by NBC Think, GQ, Slate, Rolling Stone, and McSweeney's Internet Tendency. He writes the newsletter, (((Echo Chamber))).