Pop culture obsessives writing for the pop culture obsessed.
Pop culture obsessives writing for the pop culture obsessed.

R. Kelly Believes He Can Fly (Away From Jail)

Never underestimate the persuasive powers of Little Man: R.Kelly has been acquitted of all child pornography charges in Chicago. Also, The Wayans Brothers: Keys To Justice 101 is soon to be a 1st year course in most law schools.

Illustration for article titled R. Kelly Believes He Can Fly (Away From Jail)

From CNN:

In closing arguments, Kelly's attorney banged on the jury box with his fist, yelled and whispered, laughed and pleaded for more than in hour in his emotion-filled closing.

At one point, Sam Adam Jr. referred to a defense argument made repeatedly during the trial that a mole on the singer's back proved he simply can't be the man in the video.

After displaying a freeze frame of the man's back in the video — with no apparent mole — Adam walked over to the defense table and placed his hand on Kelly's shoulder.

"The truth be told, there is no mole … that means one thing," Adam told jurors, then paused and lowered his voice. "It ain't him. And if it ain't him, you can't convict."


Adam Jr. then took a pause, banged his fist on the defense table, spun around to face the jury, and added, "Please Don't Be A Menace To South Central While Drinking Your Juice In The Hood, ladies and gentlemen. You know what I mean. These charges are Senseless, starring Marlon Wayans. And if you don't believe me, please turn your attention to this video monitor. You see Marlon's eyes? Don't they look crazy? He can hardly see anything. His vision is impaired—at least as impaired as the prosecution's vision if they think that's R. Kelly in that tape. Please: Keep your verdict In Living Color, and that means finding my client not guilty, or else this miscarriage of justice will be a Scary Movie 2. In conclusion: The Wayans Bros.."

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