Buoyed by its success with turning blushing brides into shrieking harpies with the graciousness of your average Roman emperor, reality TV will next redefine the sanctified union of marriage with Bridalplasty, an E! show where women compete in wedding-related challenges in order to win extensive plastic surgery. Each week will find a group of brides-to-be participating in challenges such as “writing wedding vows and planning honeymoons,” with the winner given the chance to choose a plastic surgery procedure from her plastic surgery “wish list”—which everyone has, we guess—and thus be transformed into “the perfect bride,” while the others slink away in disgrace with their natural deformities intact, forced to walk the shit-smeared aisles of whatever shadowy sewer tunnels house the half-blind underdwellers willing to marry them.