Pop culture obsessives writing for the pop culture obsessed.

Rejoice: Here are Mario's nipples, glistening in the sun as God intended

The upcoming Super Mario Odyssey looks dazzling, transplanting Nintendo’s beloved ex-plumber into a modern open-world setting that retains the series’ typically surrealist touchpoints while also expanding on them in ways that have been delightfully discomfiting. People are still getting used to the idea of doughy little Mario bounding alongside humans with normal proportions, as well as the existence of a realistic tyrannosaurus rex existing alongside the cartoony Yoshi. The game is full of eccentricities like this in the few videos shown of it so far—Mario soaring through dimensions in a spaceship shaped like a hat, possessing a frog, hopping off New Donk City skyscrapers, and, now, adding to that, taking off his shirt and showing his inert male nipples.

Yes: In a brief moment in the most recent video of the game, Nintendo’s artists debuted, for the first time, Mario’s milk-less, hair-less breasts, extending off his taut chest as he bounds joyously through a beachside setting. The response was, as one might imagine, one of sheer, unbridled joy, a world of Mario fans rejoicing as their big beautiful Italian boy shows off the body he has developed over his 25 theoretical years of existence.


All of which only leads to one obvious question:


To which the answer is: No. Of course not. That’d be fucking disgusting.

You can see what else the game has in store for Mario’s physical body when it comes out on October 27.


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About the author

Clayton Purdom

Clayton Purdom is a writer and editor based in Columbus, Ohio.