Rihanna to headline next year’s Super Bowl Halftime Show
Rihanna subtly teased the news with an Instagram photo of a football (the thing they use in the Super Bowl!)

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Who needs Taylor Swift? Not even a full day after people in the know explained that the arcane series of coincidences that seemed to imply that Swift would be headlining next year’s Super Bowl Halftime were nothing more than a series of regular coincidences and that Swift had no interest in singing about football until after she has completed her prolonged “fuck you” to Scooter Braun and Big machine Records, Rihanna has just gone ahead and announced the actual headliner: Herself.