Say goodbye to the TV Guide Network you were vaguely aware of, kinda
The TV Guide Network, America’s most popular source for channel listings for people who died but haven’t been discovered yet, will soon be going away. CBS has purchased a 50-percent share in both the station and the TV Guide website, with the newly rebranded TV Guide Network to become the most widely distributed channel that CBS operates—even more widely than CBS itself, apparently, as that network airs primarily in the wheat-bunkers of Real America, the lurking shadowland invisible to communists who spurn laugh tracks.