Senate Republicans throw the world's shittiest slumber party to pass their massive "Fuck you" of a tax bill
It’s a feeling that every parent who’s ever woken up above the aftermath of a particularly disastrous slumber party knows: The sense that, while you were sleeping, some truly chaotic shit went down. Maybe someone guzzled an entire two-liter of Crush and painted your guest bathroom orange with the resultant torrent of pizza-filled spew. Maybe one of the kids got so pissed off about continually losing at Street Fighter that he decided to walk home in the middle of the night, angrily dodging cars like a pissed-off adolescent Frogger. Or maybe the kids decided to get really creative with their disastrous night-time shenanigans, and got together and passed a massive tax cut primarily focused on providing relief to their richest donors, at the expense of the poor, at 2 in the god-damn morning. Kids, right?
The parents of America woke up this morning to the sensation that those wacky kids in the Senate had really gotten off the chain last night, when 51 Republicans got together in the wee hours of the morning and voted yes on the Tax Cuts And Job Act Of 2017, a sweeping, scribbled-over mess of a document whose final, 479-page draft arrived on senators’ desks just hours before the final vote. Contrary to its name, the bill wasn’t merely focused on rejiggering the tax code in favor of the 1 percent, though; it also touches on abortion rights, healthcare, oil drilling, and the separation of church and state, among any number of other conservative-friendly topics. (Presumably, its drafters thought “The Big Grab-Bag Of All The Shit The G.O.P. Thinks It Can Get Away With Today” was too wordy of a title.)