Sesame Street’s new “alt-right” Muppet will teach your kids how to spell “cuck”

Stan would evoke Bert by way of Hitler Youth, what with his toothbrush mustache and greasy undercut. Stan’s fire-engine-red shirt proclaims, “LOCK HER UP!” while the character himself spouts infectious catchphrases like “Where are the emails?”; “So much winning”; and “Thinking your daughter is hot is fine.” His backstory, apparently, involves Stan having run away from home due to his “liberal snowflake parents.” He was drawn to Sesame Street “because its initials are SS, just like the Schutzstaffel, Hitler’s paramilitary organization in Nazi Germany.”

“Being alt-right means that Stan often flails his arms around when someone refutes his bullshit with facts,” hypothetical puppeteer Debra Thompson says in the article. “His back is often hunched also, as if even gravity hates him and wants to push him directly to hell where he belongs. It’s very interesting to control Stan and it also makes me hate myself.” You can get many more details on the speculative fiction of Stan’s trip to Sesame Street here, then spend the rest of the day envisioning how he would shame Cookie Monster, shitpost about Elmo, rail against the companionship of Bert and Ernie, and interrupt the Count’s number-counting segments to take his shirt off and drink milk.