Stop making Stephen Root sign all of your staplers, Hollywood

Root said that “there isn’t a set that I do go onto that doesn’t have a box of staplers for me to sign for the crew,” adding “it doesn’t matter what I have done in my career; whenever someone stops me in the street, it’s Office Space.” (We would wager that that’s because people don’t necessarily know he played William Fontaine de la Tour Dauterive, a.k.a. The Bill-Dozer, because King Of The Hill must have more fans at this point than Office Space, but that’s neither here nor there.)

In Office Space, Root’s character, Milton, was a meek, frequently put-upon employee of a software company whose prized red Swingline stapler is eventually stolen by his boss, prompting Milton to burn the building down at the end of the movie. It’s funny and relatable and apparently every crew member on every movie or TV show has worked on since has walked away with an autographed stapler. To that we say: Give the man a break! Have him sign something else, like a dodgeball, a news radio, or a moped teen!

But here’s something interesting (and we definitely mean it this time, we’re not just reaching for some kind of transition): A search for “stephen root stapler” on a popular online auction website brought up precisely zero relevant results, which means he’s signing staplers constantly and nobody is flipping them to be resold? In that case, maybe they’re all going to real fans and Root should just keep signing staplers forever.