World's least shocking survey names Dolly Parton America's most popular person

Notably, Dolly’s popularity extends across splits of politics, age, and education; even in those demographics where she does slip under that 70 percent point, most of those respondents are in the “No opinion” or “Never heard of” bucket. (Literally no group polled has an “Unfavorable” opinion of Parton in numbers higher than 14 percent.) (And can we send these people information about the program where Dolly Parton sends kids free books to encourage reading, and then sends them a “graduation” letter telling them she hopes she’s sparked a life-long love of reading in their hearts? C’mon, people!)

The survey, which also asked participants about a wide number of political opinions on things like abortion, the Epstein files, and more, also helped solidify an idea we’d already half-suspected: If this planet has an anti-Dolly, it is apparently Russian president Vladimir Putin, who posted a 70 percent overall unfavorable rating among Americans surveyed. Besides forcing us to briefly imagine a reverse Dollyworld called PutinLand where you absolutely do not want to see what’s at the end of any of the lines, it’s a reminder that you really can kill people with kindness—and, y’know, other things, if you’re not quite so worried about being well-liked.