Pop culture obsessives writing for the pop culture obsessed.
Pop culture obsessives writing for the pop culture obsessed.

The Alien Vs. Predator saga was almost resolved over a game of football

Illustration for article titled The Alien Vs. Predator saga was almost resolved over a game of football
Photo: Left: Denis Poroy/ Right: Justin Baker (Getty Images)

Those wacky Aliens and Predators sure love fighting each other. Neither content with starring in their own, often very good films, the two murderous extraterrestrial species have knocked heads in comics, games, and movies, the last of which are so bad even Sigourney “Ripley” Weaver herself found their existence depressing.


Having battled across the stars for decades, neither side winning a true victory over the other, audiences have had to content themselves with the war between the two creatures going on forever. This wouldn’t be the case, however, if, in a fit of ‘90s Alien Vs. Predator mania, the saga was brought to an end in the only way it reasonably could have: a 16-bit game of pigskin.

As tweeted out by the National Videogame Museum, this cosmos-rending match-up was supposed to take place in a Sega Genesis game with a perfect name, Cosmic Hard Bowl. According to translated scans of the original pitch mock-ups, the game’s premise saw humanity having “neutralized the 400+ year war between Aliens and Predators,” but seeking to “finalize the conflict by American Football on Earth.”

“The Alien Football League and the Predator Football League were born and fierce battles engaged for the Super Bowl Title,” the copy continues. “There was only one new rule. The quarterback must be human.” Well, duh.

The documents don’t include many other details from this tragically unmade concept, but we do learn that the Alien Football League includes teams like the “Chicago Dirty Heroes” and “Los Angeles Blade Runners,” and has a bizarre tag line that reads, “My mom is the team owner. I crave some fresh human-quarterback.” The Predator’s League hosts the “New York Psychic Monsters” and “Miami Dolphin Creatures.” Its motto is “Chieftain is the team owner. I will turn you into a fully-grown quarterback warrior.”


The above image of an alien ready to grab a football, either with taloned hands or the surprise jut of its phallic nightmare-tongue, is an almost cruel taste of what could have been. Looking at his dumb little jersey, the imagination runs wild with chestburster-impregnated footballs and losing Predator teams laughing before blowing up the stadium. It makes one wonder if it might’ve been better not to know such a thing was possible in the first place.

[via CBR.com]

Send Great Job, Internet tips to gji@theonion.com


Contributor, The A.V. Club. Reid's a writer and editor who has appeared at GQ, Playboy, and Paste. He also co-created and writes for videogame sites Bullet Points Monthly and Digital Love Child.