The Carter-Knowles complex issues statement acknowledging elevator fight
Hoping to quash the rumors, collateral-damage firings, and revelations of Illuminati master plans in its wake, the Carter-Knowles complex has finally addressed the fight between Solange and Jay Z after this month’s Met Gala. “As a result of the public release of the elevator security footage from Monday, May 5th, there has been a great deal of speculation about what triggered the unfortunate incident,” the official statement said of the altercation that has so captured the public’s imagination, because it’s been kind of a boring week and even Justin Bieber maybe trying to steal someone’s phone is barely newsworthy at this point. “But the most important thing is that our family has worked through it.” Indeed, no one need worry a second longer about whether these carefully constructed public figures would find a way to not talk about this.