There's going to be another Step Up movie that Channing Tatum won't star in

By Sean O'Neal | September 10, 2013 | 10:23pm

Aux Features Film

After engineering a radical national sea change, in which all of our community problems are now solved through elaborately choreographed dance, one would think that the Step Up franchise has nowhere to go from here. And yet, one would be wrong about that, and therefore have to dance battle it out, according to our revised Constitution. Indeed, there will be another Step Up movie, one that will take Step Up: Revolution and its story of Miami being totally saved through gas mask-clad flashmobs to the next logical storytelling conclusion, reportedly concerning a Las Vegas businesswoman who hosts a contest to find the best dance crew in the world. The winners will then be invited to dance in Vegas, seat of global power, ruling over all.

Fans who are probably called “Steppies,” we’re guessing, can expect to see all their returning favorite characters like Moose, Hair, Monster, Robot Guy, Potato Baby, Huge Dump, Graphing Calculator, Used Copy Of The Movie Funny Farm, and WHAAAAT???—only some of whom we made up, believe it or not. What they shouldn’t expect is to see Channing Tatum, who is officially too famous to return to the franchise he launched and used to claim his bride, until he pops up in a “surprise” cameo anyway. As of now Step Up 5 has no title, so you can get to work on that.