This capitalist hell toilet doesn't actually exist yet, but only our tireless vigilance will keep it that way
Yesterday, disturbing rumors began spreading across social media regarding some new kind of bastardized commode of pain. Rudimentary sketches of the beast showed a work-office restroom toilet angled at a 13-degree downward slope, designed to gradually increase one’s discomfort levels, thus ensuring no one wastes too much of that precious, precious productivity time. It looks…about as insane and degrading as it sounds.
Nevermind our jobs have apparently become so unbearable that sitting in a cubicle containing our own and others’ excrement is often preferable to dealing with actual work responsibilities and bosses—the dystopia-toilet is almost too on the nose when it comes to exemplifying all that is wrong and sadistic about our antiquated American work-suffering ethos. Many of us, literally too old for this shit, were not amused by the prospect of tearing an ACL while simply trying to scroll through Instagram by ourselves for, like, five goddamn minutes.