This week in Savage Love: Quickies
I’ve been faithfully reading your column in the Chicago Reader for years, and now I’m reaching out to you about my own problem. I’ve been dating this guy for almost a year. Everything is great, except one thing: He wants me to kick him in the nuts. It really bothers me, and I’m not sure what to do. He’s very serious about it, and he brings it up every single day. It makes me really uncomfortable that this is some sort of fetish of his and I need help taking steps forward.
To Kick Or Not To Kick
P.S. I play soccer and I kick hard.
It’s a kink called “ball busting,” TKONTK, and as long as you don’t kick him full force—or even half force—you’re unlikely to do permanent damage. That said, childless guys who are into ball busting are often advised to freeze their sperm just in case. And while it’s not a hugely popular kink, it’s common enough that ball busting porn exists, and ball busting Tumblrs, ball busting blogs, etc. Take it slow at first, particularly if your guy has only fantasized about this and not experienced it.
P.S. A guy who brings up his kink every single day deserves to be kicked in the nuts—unless he’s into ball busting, in which case he doesn’t deserve to be kicked in the nuts.
My husband and I were married in Toronto, Canada, in 2005, before marriage equality came to the United States. Does the U.S. government recognize our Canadian marriage or do we need to remarry in the U.S? Can you find out from one of your legal friends?
Does Our Marriage Apply?
“The U.S. government does recognize your marriage,” said Robbie Kaplan, one of my legal friends—and the attorney who represented Edith Windsor before the U.S. Supreme Court and won. In United States V. Windsor, the Supreme Court ruled that the federal government was required to recognize legal same-sex marriages, thereby gutting the Defense Of Marriage Act. “We did the same thing,” Kaplan added. “We were married in Toronto in 2006, and the U.S. recognizes our marriage. No need to get married again here.”
Hi Dan, I am getting in touch because I thought you might be interested in the following article: “Getting to the bottom of pegging.” For open-minded people who are open to butt play, pegging is a great way to spice things up in the bedroom. But what exactly is pegging and why is it a thing now? Sex and relationships expert, Tami Rose, knows how important it is to try new things in the bedroom. She would be able to provide an article explaining what pegging is and tips for your more adventurous readers who want to give it a go. I look forward to hearing your thoughts.
[Redacted] PR Agency
Pegging? Never heard of it. Wait—what’s that, Wikipedia? “Pegging is a sexual practice in which a woman performs anal sex on a man by penetrating the man’s anus with a strap-on dildo… The neologism “pegging” was popularized when it became the winning entry in a contest in Dan Savage’s Savage Love sex advice column [in 2001].”
I’m in a six-year relationship with a guy you will probably deem DTMFA-worthy but I deem round-up-able to The One. My kids already regarded him as their stepdad before we moved in together about eight months ago. That’s when I learned he’s an addict: He drinks, smokes weed, and jerks off to porn for about two hours every day. He has been this way for more than 20 years, and I have zero delusions he will change for me. Recently he told me he has very little sexual desire for me, that he knows my pussy in and out and it’s boring, but he loves my companionship. How do I deal with this so we can move forward together as an incompatible couple?
Sex Addict Partner