1. Dane Cook + Lorne Michaels + A depressing sense of deja vu so heavy it feels like a sandbag is sitting squarely on your lap = The SNL season premiere

This is only logical. After losing five cast members and a head writer, the best way to indicate that the show is forging a new beginning is, naturally, to bring back the worst guest host from last season. Then again, maybe NBC is banking on the fact that no one saw Cook's last


SNL appearance (a distinct possibility), and that no one saw Dane Cook: A Vicious Circle (aka Dane Cook: Watch Me Gesticulate), or that time he pooped in a bucket and showed it to someone on Tourgasam (yes, I have to mention this every time I mention Cook), or the unfunny trailers for Employee Of The Month, or this commercial. Ugh. Why does this keep happening? 2. Chocolate chips + Sausage + "Pancakes" + A Stick = Jimmy Dean's Pancakes & Sausage On A Stick


BWE blog) Look how happy the package is! All those banners and colors and bright words! All there to distract you from the colorless frozen logs lurking within. (They can be in your mouth in 90 seconds!) It almost makes eating what is essentially a defrosted, speckled corndog for breakfast seem fun, instead of wrong in every way. Still, eating one of these every morning would mean the end of breakfast dishes. No more bowls with leftover puddles of milk sitting in your sink. Just stick, after stick, after stick, each one marked with its own unique, individual sausage grease line. Like snowflakes. 3. "Take Your Mama" + Dancing With The Stars = The Scissor Sisters' worst gig ever What does having the number 1 album in the UK get you in the US? A stint as the backing band for an over-tanned couple doing the rhumba on a dance competition for has-beens.

The awkwardness reaches its apex when the girl dancer straddles her partner, and they writhe like one fluid, yellow-spandex-clad entity within what seems like one or two feet from the band. If she had just extended her leg a little more, she could have kicked the mic out of Jake Shears'hand. And the band totally seems to know it.