Pop culture obsessives writing for the pop culture obsessed.

This Week In Terrifying Hybrids

This Week In Terrifying Hybrids 1. Will Smith + Famous vampire novel - Any glimpse of vampires + More post-apocalyptic New York = I Am Legend

Shouldn't a movie about a man battling vampires have at least a hint of vampires in the trailer? Some blood, maybe, or a nosferatu face in a window, or just Will Smith yelling, "Damn, Dracula!" or something? As it stands, this looks like just another one of those movies where the last man in post-apocalyptic New York hammers home his last man status by wandering through the empty city streets, or hitting golf balls off rooftops. Honestly, this trailer looks like the prologue to the world's most boring video game. Also, just so we're clear, Will Smith is going to put one of his kids in every single movie he makes from now on? 2. Baby Boom + Sex & The City + Chefs + More metaphors for how cooking is like life than you can count = No Reservations

Remember when you first learned what a metaphor was? Well, if you had also learned how to write a screenplay and direct a film that same day, you probably could have made a film that is less heavy-handed than No Reservations. Having a celebrated chef say "I wish there was a cookbook for life," when things aren't going so well is like having a surgeon say "I wish there were surgical staples for a broken heart," after a bad break-up, or like having a mechanic say "I wish there was an automotive hydraulic lift for my grief," after the death of someone close to them. In other words, it is totally believable. 3. Mean Girls + Bratz dolls + "Girlfriend" + a talent show! OMG! = Bratz

That might be the sparkliest, most fuschia trailer ever made. Is watching star wipe after star wipe supposed to be painful? Still, evidently the first cafeteria scene in Mean Girls can be extrapolated into an entire 90-minute movie with characters based on Barbie knock-offs with attitude. Who knew?

Advertisement

Share This Story