In a story that would suffer from disbelief and downright hostile suspicion even were it not being released this close to April 1, The Hollywood Reporter swears—and Entertainment Weekly backs them up—that Arnold Schwarzenegger and Danny DeVito are attached to star in Triplets, a two-decades-later sequel to 1988’s mismatched bro-comedy Twins. Even more incredibly, that is not all. Adding yet another layer of paranoia—no doubt causing readers to stop mid-sentence, as they search their immediate vicinity for a hidden camera crew—the follow-up film will answer the question of what could possibly be funnier than pairing Schwarzenegger’s brawny Teuton with DeVito’s grumpy homunculus by saying, “This time, Eddie Murphy is also their long-lost brother, because ha ha, he’s a black guy.”
And here we pause again to reassure you that, yes, by all appearances, this is a legitimate plan for a movie that could be made, this notion of Arnold Schwarzenegger transitioning into the Clint Eastwood-inspired august years of his oeuvre by making a sequel to Twins—one whose entire genesis is “and suddenly Eddie Murphy is there, also.” This is a thing that is apparently really happening, with Universal and Montecito Pictures recruiting Ivan Reitman to produce—whose willingness to, say, even lightly consider sticking Ashton Kutcher in a Ghostbusters sequel lends some credence to the fact that he may as well do this too—and with the actors all reportedly signing on preemptively, with their names on actual pieces of paper, and presumably after sitting in a room and listening to someone pitch this, using their words, in English. “The hunt is on for writers to develop the idea,” THR concludes, as well as for writers who won’t exclaim, “Yeah, right. Who is this—Mike? Fuck you, Mike!” and hang up when they get the call about it.