Dearest AV Club Readers,
Hi. You might have been looking for this, but even if you weren't, you're here, so, uh, welcome to The Hater, the AV Club's newest blog/column/thingy about celebrities/TV/pop culture/other nausea-inducing things that no one wants to care about, but everyone does anyway. I'm Amelie Gillette, and I'll be your guide through the dense, knotty forest known as Pop Culture––not to mention the dewy meadow of Celebrity, and the smelly bog of Reality-TV-Notoriety––pointing out the strange flora and fauna along the way, and cutting through it all with a fair amount of snark. And schadenfreude. And extended metaphors.
Anyway, here are some things that you should know about me, in case they come up:
1. I don't watch American Idol. Sorry. I never have, and unless forced to by a gun or large sums of money, I probably never will. I do like that Kelly Clarkson video where her hair is poofed up like a rooster's butt, though. You know what I'm talking about.
2. I live in New York. But I am aware that other places exist, like San Francisco, Austin, London, New Orleans, and sometimes Los Angeles.
3. I enjoy comedy, so I'll probably be posting a fair amount on the subject.
4. I like to be disgusted. This is why I watch the Discovery Health Channel. It is also why I am perpetually fascinated by Star Jones.
5. I am not excited about Snakes On A Plane. I am, however, mildly excited by Balls Of Fury, the upcoming movie by the creators of Reno 911 that stars Christopher Walken as "an evil crime lord who is also a ping-pong enthusiast." I recommend mild enthusiasm on your part as well.
6. I won't post a naked photo of a celebrity, just because it's a naked photo of a celebrity.
7. But I will post a semi-naked photo of a celebrity, if it involves the Kids Choice Awards. Hence, this photo of Lindsay Lohan presenting (in more ways than one! Ba-dum-pum) at the Kids Choice Awards over the weekend.
8. And, of course, I will also post semi-naked photos of celebrities if it advances the plot of the post. Like this horrifying picture of Star Jones in a bathing suit.
Sorry, I promise not to do that again. Well, not for a while.