What The Russian-American Version Of The Jersey Shore Will Be Like

Of course there's going to be a Russian-American version of The Jersey Shore called Brighton Beach. Naturally. Considering the phenomenal success of The Jersey Shore, every ethnic group will eventually be given the chance to put forth a sampling of its most colorful fame-seeking specimens for further anthropological study via MTV camera-rigged beach house. Why should guidos be the only ones with their very own segment on Jay Leno's JayWalking All-Stars?

The Jersey Shore is like the first, formula-establishing season of The Real World. It was only a matter of time before producers figured out that they can do the same show with different casts in different cities.  Of course, it took The Real World a number of seasons before it deteriorated into Jersey Shore's drunken-fights-and-hook-ups-in-or-near-a-jacuzzi starting point, but further deterioration is always possible in most things (unless the thing in question is made out of Twinkies, and as far as I can tell, The Jersey Shore is made out of horror movie stock footage of a beach, yells, and clip-in extensions, not Twinkies).

According to The NY Post, here's what Brighton Beach will be like:

1. It will have its own complex, uniquely Russian flavor.

"We are big fans of 'Jersey Shore,' but the Russian community has its own set of characters which we think could be even more interesting," said co-creator Elina Miller, who is working to find a network for the show.

"There will be plenty of vodka, techno music and guys wearing Adidas pants, leather jackets and gold chains, and driving souped-up cars," she said. "There will also be a lot of hot, decked-out Russian girls."

So basically exactly like The Jersey Shore, but soaked in vodka.

2. It will be a courageous exploration of Russian-American stereotypes—specifically Russian-American stereotypes that come in the precise character forms established in The Jersey Shore.

Miller's partners, Alina Dizik and Christine Mahin, say they're looking for colorful characters like Snooki and "Jersey Shore" co-star The Situation who know how to have a good time…

Dizik says their show's goal is to deal with Russian stereotypes head-on.

"We're really proud of that identity," the writer said. "But we would never want to portray this insular community in a way that isn't positive. We're used to everyone asking if we're in the mafia and if we drink vodka and get chased by bears."

So, you know, a Snooki-type who is also upfront about her ties to the Russian mafia would be a great find. Or really just anyone with a nickname:

Giving "Jersey Shore" a run for its money, they've already received a fair share of uniquely nicknamed applicants.

"We've heard from 'The Entity,' 'B-Boy' and 'Mr. OTB' [Off The Boat]," Dizik said.

3. The show will also be very, very funny. Like "I married a foreign man I didn't know because I was so profoundly desperate to escape the bleak,  poverty-stricken atmosphere of my home country" funny.

"It would be really funny if we got a Russian mail-order bride," she said.

Could you imagine: "Hey Snookstlana! Come to the boardwalk with us." "I'd love to, but my husband is sleeping and if he wakes up and finds me gone, he'll divorce me and I'll be deported." Hilarious!

4. Overall, though, Brighton Beach promises to be the Tolstoy of our time:

A planned Russian-American reality show dubbed "Brighton Beach" aims to be a cross between "Jersey Shore" and "Anna Karenina."

It will echo that great work of Russian literature with its themes of obsessive love, tragedy, and (drunken) political intrigue:

Boris Kantarovich, 21, who works at a wireless store in Brighton Beach, was among those taking a shot at the limelight. He said he deserves it because he embodies the neighborhood. "I'm crazy, I like to party, and when I'm drunk, I do a great impression of Boris Yeltsin," he said.