So I've put together this handy guide to some of the key players in order to help you navigate through the fog of controversy that is the Ellen Dog Scandal.
Ellen: Lady who lives inside the magical glowing cube. She's usually happy, as indicated by her love of dancing and comfortable shoes.
Ellen's Hairdresser: The person who maintains Ellen's coiffure, or "dresses" her "hair." This person will also accept any and all of Ellen's cast-offs, including dogs.
Dog: Adorable thing that people freak out about, and occasionally dress up like pumpkins. Fun Fact: There are more pictures of dogs in stupid outfits than there are of anything else in the world!
Iggy: Small dog that Ellen adopted for a while, then gave to Ellen's Hairdresser. He lived with Ellen's Hairdresser for a while (where he promptly forgot about Ellen), before being reclaimed by Mutts & Moms (where he probably promptly forgot about Ellen's Hairdresser).
Mutts & Moms: Dog adoption agency that thinks it's as important as a people adoption agency. Mutts & Moms is also a very good example of why you shouldn't give your business a cutesy name. (Because what if you cross a TV star and your name suddenly has all the cutesy ferociously dragged out of it?) They are somehow impervious to Ellen's television power.
Tears: Salty water that Ellen expells from her eyes when she is sad. Interestingly, the sight of this water fills Ellen's viewers with a murderous rage.
Death Threats: Things that Ellen's viewers make to Mutts & Moms in order to make the tears stop, and the joyful, joyful dancing return.
