There is nothing sexier than returning raw chicken to the fridge before fucking on the kitchen floor (Photo: Deb Lindsey For The Washington Post via Getty Images).

Rev up your engines and lock up the children, everyone: There’s a new erotic masterpiece on the way from E.L. James and it contains just about the hottest text this side of a 1997 cybersex chatroom.

Buzzfeed UK’s Scott Bryan has highlighted key passages from the deeply necessary new entry to James’ epic story, Darker: Fifty Shades Darker As Told By Christian, and one portion in particular has ignited Twitter’s filthy, filthy imagination.

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The responses to this show that Twitter users, awed by the sheer sexual power of this food-safety obsessed erotica, can only cope with how uncomfortably aroused reading the steamy prose makes them by cracking jokes.

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None of these simple-minded tweets can distract from the animalistic power of James’ prose, which includes such thunderously sexy prose (“My cock approves big-time”) that even John Cleland would blush to recite it.

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Bryan goes on to highlight the pillow talk that follows what we can only imagine is a tastefully described sex scene, too, revealing that not only is Christian Grey the master of his bedroom, but the art of the pun as well.

We’re all going to need a shower after this one. A Coldshower, perhaps, “because it’s the most apt.”

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