Ever since we became aware—thanks to the damned internet—that it was a thing, Americans have looked at Europe’s annual Eurovision Song Contest with poorly disguised jealousy. “After all,” the thinking goes, “Who are these Europeans to trot out a largely meaningless pageant where spectacle overshadows art at every turn? That’s our fucking thing!”
Now, the dream of an American Eurovision, in which Maryland and Guam can finally settle their beefs through the power of song, is in reach. Deadline reports that NBC is set to broadcast The American Song Contest, in development since 2019, this summer, allowing us to finally turn our various regional rivalries against each other in ways that are slightly less terrifying or sports-based than usual. The competition will feature entrants from each state in the country, plus Washington D.C., American Samoa, Guam, Northern Mariana Islands, Puerto Rico, and the U.S. Virgin Islands, all duking it out for the honor of having the silliest costumes, wildest stage presentation, and also, incidentally, some music.
Honestly, though, we’ll mostly be tuning in to see whether the eclectic blend of styles, genres, and senses of whether a song sucks or not that dominate Eurovision will find their same outlet here, or whether a certain American generic-ness will manage to settle over the whole endeavor. What does the best song Kansas is capable of producing even sound like? Who’s Wyoming’s greatest DJ? Can anybody match Iceland’s Daði og Gagnamagnið, still probably our favorite Eurovision performance ever? We’ll find out on NBC this summer, apparently.