Pop culture obsessives writing for the pop culture obsessed.
We may earn a commission from links on this page.
Pop culture obsessives writing for the pop culture obsessed.

American Idol: “1 Of 4 Voted Off”

We may earn a commission from links on this page.

Idol seems to follow a pattern this season of surprise eliminations followed by utterly predictable ones, so if you were shocked when Skylar went home last week, you could guess who got eliminated tonight.

Since I’m drifting toward hate-watching this show at this point, let’s talk about the dumbest moments from tonight’s episode, like:

  • Approximately 20 audience members being cordoned off onstage during the opening of the show to form a red carpet gauntlet through which the judges had to walk.
  • The return of lip-synching during the group number! Apparently, Hollie, Joshua, Jessica, and Phillip couldn’t be trusted to sing in backup harmony during “California Dreamin’,” so they all looked at each other in confusion while taking turns singing solos.
  • Phillip Phillips getting out of every single Ford commercial. If I were one of the other three and he won, I’d be pretty pissed if he got that free car.
  • Jimmy Iovine calling Phillips’ take on CCR Wednesday night a “really magical thing to watch.”
  • Jennifer Lopez’s boy-toy rubbing her ass during her performance of “Dance Again.” Girl, did you learn nothing from Britney Spears? He’s just going to make you pregnant, steal your dreams and then get super-fat!

There were a few moments that were not stupid, however. Jimmy was clearly reading my post last night when he agreed that Joshua overuses his gospel gimmickry and also said as much regarding Jessica’s growling. Meanwhile, I feel more fondly toward David Cook each time I see him. He just seems like a straightforward, grown-ass man, despite the fact that I find the sheer creamy smoothness of his skin off-putting.

After the judges blow smoke up all the contestants’ asses, we eventually learn that it’s finally Hollie’s time to go home. She sings “The Climb” as Jessica and Josh cry. It's one of her better performances. Well, good for her for making it this far, although I have a hard time envisioning her as an artist beyond the show.

Now it’s down to Jessica, Phillip, and Joshua and I’m picking Jessica as my favorite. Not because I think it’s time for B.B. Cheez to become a household name, but because I’m sick of Idol being such a sausage party. There’s a war on women going on, don’t you know? And this is how I’m choosing to fight it.

Stray observations:

  • Has there been any slash fiction about Joshua and Phillip published yet?
  • Somehow I missed it last night when Joshua sang in tongues. How’d that go again? “Pttdteetweetdteeeeet?”