Pop culture obsessives writing for the pop culture obsessed.
Pop culture obsessives writing for the pop culture obsessed.

American Idol: Auditions #7 Denver

Illustration for article titled American Idol: Auditions #7 Denver

This might be the episode where I officially go anti-Kara.  I never loved the lady but I never wanted to pile on just because she was the new chick (although the Bikini Girl situation didn't endear me to her at all).  But tonight when she put that Bucky-Covington-looking guy through after forcing him to take off his shirt and eye-raping him and totally buttering him up by saying (incorrectly) that he looks like a model, I am through with her.  Plus, she justified it by saying that the guy judges "had Bikini Girl." Yeah, well, first of all, she walked in like that, and second of all, LET IT GO, KARA.  Anyway, if you're gonna be creepy, Kara, at least do it to a cute guy.  I agreed with Simon that the whole scenario was "really embarrassing," and I was pissed at Randy for putting Casey "Motorcycle Accident" James through just for the girls.

Strangely, for once, I did actually actively like some of the contestants.  I thought Danelle Hayes was very pretty and while she was kind of a TV crybaby I appreciated that her sob story was that she was sick of earning bucks singing in bars, casinos and corporate events.  Better than her singing so that her father feels better about his hemorrhoids or whatever these other people have going on.  Her style wasn't my favorite but I could see myself rooting for her.  Plus, Simon gave her The Wink.

But even more I loved Haeley Vaughn. Prior to tonight I didn't know that I needed an adorable black country singer in my life, but now I do.  It was borderline uncomfortable when Simon said "You're different…you're not coming in here singing Mary J Blige," IE "You black, you not sing black,” but she has figured out her niche though and I think that's clever. 

“Austin Paul” was an example though of somebody not thinking marketing through very clearly. I almost—almost!—pitied the guy for thinking he had a neat little story all tied up for himself: "I'm a singer—AND a football player?!"  He seemed so greasily confident while hacking up that John Mayer song, but the joke’s on him, as Kara seemed keen on teaching him a “lesson” about arrogance, and we all know how those “lessons” turn out.

Back to embarrassing feelgoodery: I still like Victoria Beckham, I don't care what any of you say, even if she mostly judged people on looks and on the second day she styled herself as an alien queen and she weighs 45 pounds. And, I even ended up kind of liking Mark Labriola, despite his Sean Lennon glasses and neckbeard and Jack Black impression.  He can sing all right and his baby was outstandingly adorable. Plus I didn't expect him to be a crier, since he seemed so cocky at the outset. 

I can't imagine the girl with the weird name (Nicci Nix) and the annoying speaking voice who flew in from Florence getting very far but I laughed at Simon saying about the lyrics of the song she sang, "Something Kinda Ooh" by Girls Aloud, "Those are the most meaningful lyrics ever written. I always cry when I hear them."

—"Hot dog in the house."

—Can you make a full time living as a nicotine addictions counselor?

—Why was that chick wearing a wig? I must know.