In the trailer for Wanted, the following things take place:

—Someone uses a gun that bends like a bendy straw

—Bullets swerve in mid-air

—A passenger is scooped into a speeding car, instead of struck by it.

—The "fraternity" of the world's most secret assassins meets in a gigantic, decidedly non-secret castle.

—A guy is literally cut into a million, perfectly cubed pieces when he bursts through a glass window

But despite all of these things, the most unbelievable, highly ridiculous, patently absurd thing about Wanted is that Angelina Jolie is supposed to be playing an assassin, and not Angelina Jolie.



I realize that Wanted is based on a graphic novel, and is therefore not really striving for realism–The aim of the movie is probably to remain true to its source. But unless Angelina Jolie is a character in the graphic novel, then they haven't succeeded. Her Angelina-Jolie-ness is so distracting in this trailer, I half expected to see a scene where she's holding Zahara on one hip, and shooting with a bendy gun from the other.

This weekend, at a screening of Remembering Jason Segel's Penis, this trailer got more laughs than any other, in part because the only appropriate response to Angelina Jolie and her eye makeup suddenly appearing in a convenience store counter and saying, "Your father died yesterday on the roof of the Metropolitan building," is laughter.

Just like the only appropriate response to this poster is amazement that what's left of Angelina Jolie's arm can support the weight of that gun.