Ashton Kutcher "Threatens" The World With His Silence

This morning, as I'm sure you've heard, the world was rocked by the news that a stupid-sounding TV series was in the works. The subject of this stupid-sounding TV series? A stupid social networking site, namely, Twitter. (And anyone who uses/has ever used Twitter will tell you, it is stupid first, everything else second.)

Maybe it's because I'm not an active Twitter user, or maybe it's because the show sounds like one of those terrible TV ideas that disintegrate upon hitting television's atmosphere and never actually come to fruition, like the American AbFab or Grey's Anatomy, but hearing about Twitter: The Series didn't give me convulsions of pure rage. Sure, the show sounds idiotic—like MTV's eye-glazer The Phone crossed with a CNN inane news ticker—but there are cheaper, dumber, lamer things out there. After all, Next still exists.

But recent developments have caused me to change my mind entirely:

Ashton Kutcher — Twitter's top tweeter — warned he may pull the plug on his tweeting if the micro-blogging service partners on a reality TV show….

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Variety magazine reported Monday that San Francisco-based Twitter.com had partnered with TV producers Reveille and Brillstein Entertainment on an unscripted show that would be "putting ordinary people on the trail of celebrities in a revolutionary competitive format."

Kutcher used Twitter to post a link to a news report about the partnership along with this message: "Wow I hope this isn't true. I really don't like being sold out. May have to take a twitter hiatus."

Wow I hope this isn't true. Please don't take away your perfect, shining, tweet-gems, Ashton. Don't leave us all here in the dark, echoing abyss, alone with our own, Kutcher-free thoughts.

If it's a choice between a probably terrible Twitter-based reality competition show or Ashton Kutcher squatting over the ether to squeeze out a few 140-characters-or-less observations/plugs-for-his-new-awful-CW-show multiple times a day, then I'm choosing the show. Twitter: The Series can't happen soon enough. It's like that Sheryl Crow song says: If it makes Ashton Kutcher upset, it can't be that bad.

"It's all fun and games until somebody gets stalked," Kutcher wrote in a Twitter posting late Monday.

Because I'm sure that's exactly what the show will be: dangerous people (with camera crews) actually stalking oblivious, non-participating celebrities via their tweets without their consent. Twitter Presents: Kill Your Celebs. Sounds reasonable.

I'd argue that it's all fun and games until Ashton Kutcher complains about being sold out via Twitter. That's where the fun and games are hammered into oblivion by unmitigated assholery, leaden egotism, and pure irritation. I can't wait for Twitter: The Series.