What each Barbie character is probably binge-watching in the Dream House

Margot Robbie’s Barbie is—according to the poster—everything. She’s conquering the world and having fun while doing it. It means she’s tapped into what’s trending, and she knows right now, it’s a rewatch of Girls. This Barbie is making the most of her HBO Max subscription to figure out if she’s more of a Hannah, Marnie, Jessa, or Shosh. [Saloni Gajjar]

Ryan Gosling’s Ken is a simple guy with a Golden Retriever aura who seems easy to please. The Masked Singer is perfect for him because it’s a flashy spectacle featuring fun tunes and a competition element. It holds the audience’s attention with outrageous costumes and engaging in the guess-the-celeb mystery, all of which feels like it would appeal to Ken Prime. [Mary Kate Carr]

She’s not usually a big fan of comedy, but as someone whose younger sister has two Nobel Prizes in Physics (and broke Physics Barbie’s Newton’s Cradle when they were in elementary school), this Barbie just feels seen by The Other Two. Even in Barbie Land, life isn’t always fair. [Hattie Lindert]

Far too spiritually-minded and health-focused for television, Mermaid Barbie prefers sound baths and meditation practices to appointment viewing. She follows those up, of course, with a few hours on TikTok each night, meaning she still knows every plot point of Succession. [Hattie Lindert]

Ana Cruz Kayne plays a Barbie who is the Supreme Court Justice. And you know she’s only watching prestige TV when she has the free time. What’s more peak smartypants than The Americans, FX’s Cold War spy drama that was flawless from start to end? Sign me up for a TV viewing date with this Barbie, please. [Saloni Gajjar]

When Doctor Barbie gets off a long shift all she wants to do is relax and unwind with television that is gentle and undemanding. Enter The Great British Bake-Off, fan-favorite easy viewing that will easily distract her from any of the horrors she’s seen in the ICU. [Mary Kate Carr]

The wilderness hears Lawyer Barbie, and she definitely hears it. After a long day of handling real-world rules and regulations, nothing relaxes this Barbie more than watching the stranded teens of Yellowjackets enact cannibalism-friendly wilderness rule from afar. [Hattie Lindert]

In President Barbie’s opinion, this sad British woman really needs to stop talking to the camera and start girlbossing toward stability. But what can she do? Her intern already drafted it as part of her 2023 end-of-year picks list. At the very least, this Barbie does respect the Fleabag jumpsuit. [Hattie Lindert]

She read the Fire & Blood popular history, she met George R.R. Martin at ComicCon… Diplomat Barbie has opinions on House Of The Dragon. She’ll be happy to refer you to her burner Reddit account, where she terrorizes r/gameofthrones with all her dream recastings, exhaustive timelines, and nitpicks under the username FirstOfHerNamexx. She keeps her internet paper trail scrubbed clean, though; as an important international figure, she obviously has an intern for that. [Hattie Lindert]

Presuming Barbie who does the splits (Kate McKinnon) is a high-level gymnast, we assume she’s going to watch something a little cutthroat. Looking outside the realm of sports, Top Chef is the perfect choice for her: culinary masters at the top of their game vying to come out on top definitely satisfies her competitive spirit. [Mary Kate Carr]

Pulitzer-winning journalist Barbie is a serious professional and therefore always caught up on the most harrowing documentary series of the year. Most recently, she was engrossed by Stolen Youth: Inside The Cult At Sarah Lawrence. [Mary Kate Carr]

Author Barbie could write anything, but she has the aura of a tastefully smutty romance author. The Emily Henry of the Dream House, if you will. As such, it only seems right she would support the genre by being one of Bridgerton’s most vocal champions. [Mary Kate Carr]

This Ken is happy to cast stones in a glass Barbie Dream House. He’s certain if he ever went on Wipeout (he’s applied about ten times), he wouldn’t embarrass himself on the great bouncing balls. [Hattie Lindert]

With his guitar and good-time attitude, Ncuti Gatwa’s Ken clearly has rockstar dreams. I’ll tell you who else had rockstar dreams: Daisy Jones of Daisy Jones & The Six. This Ken loved the romance and the drama but most importantly can’t stop playing “Look At Us Now (Honeycomb).” [Mary Kate Carr]

Kingsley Ben-Adir’s Ken has the most regular-guy vibe of all the Kens, so of course he’s watching what regular guys are watching: Yellowstone. It’s got drama (on and offscreen) and intrigue while still being accessible. Don’t expect him to be caught up on the entire Yellowstone cinematic universe, though, he seems like a flagship show-only kind of dude. [Mary Kate Carr]

Although he’s still mad Willow Pill beat out Lady Camden in season 14 of RuPaul’s Drag Race, this Ken has watched every season and isn’t about to stop now. He tells his drag race fantasy league he skips The Real Friends of WeHo to protest Drag Race’s slimmed run time, but he’s watched every episode of that, too. [Hattie Lindert]

Allan definitely feels a kinship with good ol’ all-American Archie Andrews of Riverdale, particularly in the 1950s-set final season. The show is just titillating enough to be alluring without the more scandalous elements of something like Euphoria that would surely be a shock to his poor senses. [Mary Kate Carr]

Barbie is a campy movie. Will Ferrell is a speculated villain. It kind of makes sense and would be creepy if he doesn’t even own—let alone watch—television. His idea of entertainment is just collecting dolls in his basement… wonder where he got that idea. [Saloni Gajjar]

Jamie Demetriou’s business lackey definitely thinks he’ll stay ahead by having Bloomberg TV playing in the background at all times, but there’s no way this is winning him any favors with his boss. [Mary Kate Carr]

Religiously seated for the HBO darling every Sunday, this adult intern and his best friend from college who he’s lived with for the past decade call themselves The Disgusting Brothers and tell people it’s an “inside joke” they came up with. In 2015, they also had a “Douche Jar” a la New Girl. [Hattie Lindert]

Sweet Midge has the vibe of someone who would declare Modern Family their “comfort show.” She has mainstream tastes and has definitely rewatched this classic series a few times. [Mary Kate Carr]

So she’s already Mare Of Easttown countless times before—so what! Barbie’s narrator still wants justice for Erin McMenamin (and in the privacy of her own home, when a long day of narration is done, she loves to put on a Delco accent.) [Hattie Lindert]

America Ferrera is playing a mere human in Barbie. You know what almost every human is obsessed with right now? Apple TV+’s Ted Lasso, that’s what. She’s seated for the third and final season, which is currently airing and preparing to nab more awards right now. (TBD on if she’s a Jason Sudeikis stan). [Hattie Lindert]

This human may have no idea what a BlackBerry or a Tavi Gevinson is, but she’s ten toes down for the Gossip Girl reboot. To her, social organization should be all about trading Instagram-caption-worthy barbs while wearing new-season Thom Browne—these Barbies just wouldn’t get it. [Hattie Lindert]