Pop culture obsessives writing for the pop culture obsessed.
Pop culture obsessives writing for the pop culture obsessed.

Beyonce's Fans Are Not Fans Of Her "Erratic Dancing"

Anyone who has seen Beyonce's new video for "Deja Vu" can testify that it is basically a visual representation of a nervous breakdown. (For the uninitiated, the video is below. Turn your monitor away from any impressionable children or dogs before clicking Play.)

Fortunately, Beyonce's fans are not taking this lying down. Fed up with Beyonce's almost complete transition into Sasha, a group of her fans have banded together to voice their disappointment in "Deja Vu" by petitioning Columbia records for a new video. The medium they chose to host their cogent argument? Petitiononline.com, the number one choice for non-crazies and logical dissenters everywhere. You can read the whole petition here but below are a few highlights: This video is an underwhelming representation of the talent and quality of previous music video projects of Ms. Knowles. The following problems have been pointed out by numerous fans on and offline:

A) There is no clear story or theme to the video B) The dancing is erratic, confusing and alarming at times C) The sexual themes and shots between Ms. Knowles and Mr. Sean Carter PKA Jay-Z, are alarming and show unacceptable interactions between the two D) The fashion in this video, while haute-couture, is unbelievable and ridiculous E) The editing, while professionally done, causes one to get dizzy and disoriented F) The overall feel of the video leaves a sense of much to be desired G) The video is very disappointing and is not a clear representation of any of the songs themes

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So, it's underwhelming, the editing is annoying, there's no clear story or theme, and the dancing is erratic. It sounds like they're complaining about the fact that "Deja Vu" is a music video. Still, this petition is surprisingly well-reasoned. Which got me thinking: Are all the petitions on petitiononline.com as serious and logical as this one? Surprisingly, the answer is yes. Check out the examples below: From a petition entitled Bring Back Crystal Pepsi:

In 1992, Pepsi-Cola introduced Crystal Pepsi. It had the taste of Pepsi, but was, as the name indicates, clear. The product was short-lived, but never really got it's chance on the market. This petition is to bring back Crystal Pepsi, as the market has now opened up to many new cola products, and would be a better place for it.

Who could argue with that? 779 people have signed so far. From a petition entitled Less Hilary Duff In POPSTAR! Magazine:

She's been on the cover way too many times in one year, and we don't think that's fair. On one cover, you even put "Happy 16th" next to her picture. What about Aaron Carter's 16th birthday in December 2003? You didn't do anything like that for him. What about Jesse McCartney? He turned 16 in April of 2003, and no one did anything for him. Or what about all those other celebrities that don't get covers and issues dedicated to them for their birthdays? All the Duff stuff is getting ridiculous and out of control.

Exactly. No one does anything for Jesse McCartney! 298 people have signed so far. And from my favorite petition, Ashlee Simpson Is In A Relationship With Another Female:

Is it just me, or does any1 else think Ashlee Simpson may be in a relationship with another women, like maybe, the newest member of her band, wateva her name is, the one who plays keyboard…n did any one else notice how whenever wateva her name is (the keyboard chik) was walking or standing behind Ash, she would be staring at her ass, now all of a sudden, it has been revealed that Ashlee was supposed to play a lesbian in her movie, but daddy wouldnt allow it,"wats rong Joe,

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Truer words have never been hastily typed by someone addicted to IM. And, even though it's more of a poorly executed conspiracy theory than a petition, 26 people have signed so far. There are many, many more dubious petitions submitted by weirdos here. Please check them out.