Bret Michaels has room in his bruised and bandannaed heart for all creatures great and small and occasionally incontinent, which is why he is designing a line of “rock ’n’ roll pet products” for PetSmart—because, as Michaels’ reality shows have taught us, “rock ’n’ roll” is an adjective that can be applied to everything now, be it a friendly game of Uno, a night of slam poetry, or even a collection of dog beds, bowls, and leashes. It’s an amorphous definition of rock ’n’ roll, baby—GUITAR SOLO—and that’s why idioms are so rock ’n’ roll. Michaels’ rock ’n’ roll brand of rock ’n’ roll pet things will, in the words of Pet Smart’s V.P. of Rocking Out And Also Merchandising, help the company at last “meet our pet parents' needs with a 'cool' line of products,” because until now, pet parents have had to settle for uncool, very un-rocking pet products from the likes of Martha Stewart. Which are NOT A-ROCKIN’.
Adds Michaels himself, while astride an idling Harley parked in a heart-shaped hot tub engulfed in flames, “I know my own pets rock, and I wanted to design a line of pet products every bit as fun and cool as they are,” which sounds like a lot of pressure to put on your pets, but okay. The Bret Michaels Pets Rock collection (Not to be confused with Bret Michaels’ Pet Rock collection, ho ho!) will debut next summer, and although it’s not explicitly stated that it will have bandanas, you know it will have bandanas. Soooo many rockin’ bandanas. PetSmart would also like to remind you that Bret Michaels has diabetes.